NEVER IN LIFE is there a need to call on the power of grace and humility more than at midlife. As we take measure of our lives, we can find ourselves dismayed, discouraged and disillusioned to find our lives simply no longer fit us. All that we thought we were, no longer makes sense. Suddenly, we don’t fit in our own skin, never mind our own clothes. We look in the mirror and see faces, even bodies, we no longer recognize.
At midlife, many of us begin to feel a shift, or an unearthing, as I like to call it. Our jobs may or may no longer interest us in the same way, our relationships with our spouses or partners may have shifted —for better or worse—or even ended.
Maybe the way we mother has changed.
And finally, for some of us, the things that we wore as badges of success no longer keep us warm, no longer offer us a sense of security.
Let’s face it. Midlife is a time of turbulence for many of us. Sometimes the turbulence comes from an inner state, sometimes from outside influences. Midlife is a time of undoing and unearthing, a shedding of ourselves as we learn to question. The questions may start small, but invariably grow, like a sprout, seeking, searching and questioning, all skills cultivated over time. Some of us are forced to do the hard and dirty work quickly, but in the end, the process of shifting, unearthing, will take as long as it takes. It is different for each of us.
This is what my unearthing looked like: Empty nest. Divorce. Job loss. Move. Like a series of dominoes, one after another, after another, parts of my world collapsed into an ugly, unrecognizable heap of turmoil.
Everything that offered me a sense of security, a sense of myself, evaporated in one seemingly collective poof. My friends and family were horrified and silently awaited my meltdown. And waited. And waited.
For as the structures that shaped my life began to break apart I grew strangely quiet, strangely resilient. And somehow, in the breaking apart, the unearthing, I grew stronger. Centered. Clear.
My unearthing, my dark night of the soul, sent me on a journey to high and low ground, and finally, back to my higher self.
As they say, the journey of a thousand miles starts with a single step. This famous line comes from the ancient Chinese classic, the Tao Te Ching. I discovered this masterpiece while on my journey and used its wisdom for regular inspiration.
Now you might ask yourself…what wisdom can a modern middle-aged woman gain from an ancient text? My answer: a book’s worth.
After all, the Tao Te Ching outlines a simple philosophy of life that is focused on compassion, humility, harmony and moderation. It is a beautiful book full of paradox, like yin and yang, night and day, good and evil. Much like our human existence, it points to the duality of life. Yet it continues to offer hope, inspiration and guidance for creating a more peaceful, meaningful life. Especially at midlife.
So I used the wisdom of the Tao Te Ching to reflect on the changes many of us women experience at midlife. And I wrote about it in my book, Tao Flashes, A Woman’s Way to Navigating the Midlife Journey with Integrity, Harmony and Grace.
I write about what I believe many midlife women are concerned about. I write about authenticity, living with integrity, harmony.
There is a reason we begin to feel a shift at midlife. I believe it is a calling to our higher selves, to our authentic spirits.
As we enter midlife, we feel a call to return to our true nature, to the person we stuffed away like a shiny prize at the bottom of a Cracker Jack box. She might be hard to find behind the coulds and the shoulds and the well-meaning directives that may have diluted her spirit. But she’s there.
When you are lucky enough to find this beautiful child, this magical creature, you must treat her with wonder, welcome her back with giddiness and joy , knowing she is your inner child, your conscience, your voice—and your very best friend and protector.
Welcome her back for she brings clarity. She is your risk taker, the one who has appeared to bring you back to yourself.
Hold on to her and let her lead you home.
Affirm her. And every time you make a choice for yourself…a choice against the status quo…a choice that rings so loudly with authenticity all doubt is silenced, you will feel her presence.
For this risk taker, this beautiful child, this magical creature, is your authentic spirit. And your higher self. Get to know her.
Lisa G. Froman is the author of Tao Flashes, A Woman’s Way to Navigating the Midlife Journey with Integrity, Harmony and Grace. A writer, poet and award-winning communications professional, she lives in Baton Rouge, Louisiana and is the mother of one son, Alexander. Visit her website and blog at http://www.taoflashes.wordpress.com .