Valerie Gillies Archives - Page 2 of 3 - Mothering in the Middle

Little Things

by Valerie Gillies

“Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things.” Robert Breault

Full of intentions, I bought a small blank book about a month ago. It travels everywhere with me, because at any moment, I need to be able to open it up and add another entry. And I have had so many brilliant, inspired entries, you would be proud of my work. Well, maybe not, because none of them have actually been written down in the book. They swim in my mind, appearing randomly when they feel the moment is right. […]

What’s In a Word? Love…

by Valerie Gillies

“That it will never come again is what makes life so sweet” – Emily Dickinson

This is Love Month. Such a loaded word. Some languages have many words for love. Ours has one. The word that we used as teenagers, with the “o” shaped like a heart to describe our racing pulse and new-found obsession with the object of our desire, is the same word that is used to describe connection with the Almighty and car preferences. That’s a lot for four letters to take on. But, perhaps one word is the best option, since “love” includes more possibilities than a million words could cover. Might as well stop at a single word and increase the definitions. […]

The Bone Structure of the Landscape

by Valerie Gillies

“I do an awful lot of thinking and dreaming about things in the past and the future – the timelessness of the rocks and the hills – all the people who have existed there. I prefer winter and fall, when you feel the bone structure of the landscape – the loneliness of it, the dead feeling of winter. Something waits beneath it, the whole story doesn’t show.”
― Andrew Wyeth

I hate the cold, with a passion. Spring, summer, and early autumn, with their warmth and lushness and never-ending sounds, are my times. No matter how hard I try to reframe it, I loathe winter for its dark, bitter bleakness. […]

Turn Down the Heat (A Holiday Primer)

by Valerie Gillies, LMFT

“Boiling point: The point at which anger or excitement breaks out into violent expression” – Wikipedia

Halloween in Connecticut came on the heels of a snowstorm of epic proportions. That is no exaggeration. Trick or treating was cancelled; power was out for over a week. Yes, people even lived (if you can call it that) without the Internet and cable, in unheated homes filled with ‘bored’ children. It was not a pretty sight. And that, my friend, was the start of the 2011 holiday season. “Uh oh” is right. In a flash we were through Thanksgiving, when the starting pistol was fired for the four-day marathon of Black Friday sales, followed by sensory overload, sleep deprivation and unlimited access to guilt. […]

In Honor of World Menopause Day – October 18th

by Valerie Gillies

I was probably the only person alive who wasn’t aware that October 18^th is World Menopause Day. World. Can you imagine?

It took me back a bit. Who on earth would have thought this was something to commemorate? What am I missing? I suppose it could be the contribution hot flashes make to global warming, the hormonal swings, perhaps the amazing determination the female body can show in hanging onto every single calorie it ingests and instantaneously storing it as fat on what used to be a waistline. But no, although those features of ‘the change’ are truly awe inspiring, I will take it that it is about finally saying goodbye to a not so wanted friend, that sweet feeling of relief upon closing the door after a houseguest has overstayed her welcome. […]

Ripe

by Valerie Gillies

Autumn is the eternal corrective. It is ripeness and color and a time of maturity; but it is also breadth, and depth, and distance. What man can stand with autumn on a hilltop and fail to see the span of his world and the meaning of the rolling hills that reach the far horizon? Hal Borland

Here I am, sitting at the computer trying to write something coherent, while inches away my thirteen year old is melting down at the prospect of the first day of school tomorrow. The ostensible issues: backpack size and choice of clothing for the morning. (Truth: nervous beyond belief.) Another, down the hall, is supposed to be packing for a year abroad, but has abandoned a room that could land me with a health code violation, in order to help her friend pack up for school. And, in the room vacated by my eldest daughter are the beginnings of a wedding gown that I should be working on. […]

Summer Afternoon

by Valerie Gillies

September: it was the most beautiful of words, he’d always felt, evoking orange-flowers, swallows, and regret.” Alexander Theroux

Just as I get into the swing of the warmth and long days, reduced to-do list, and sanctioned laziness, the beginning of school looms on the horizon. As much as I think I never want the sultry days of August to end, I start to look forward to the change. It’s not only because I can’t wait to pawn the children off on unsuspecting, captive teachers—really! No, there’s something about the quality of the light in the morning, a feeling in the air of expectancy and starting over, and a bittersweet letting go that I adore. New books, pencils, clothes and shoes. Shopping for things that are kept safely in anticipation of that first, nervous day; the re-setting of life to a familiar, but slightly altered agenda. […]

Speechless

by Valerie Gillies

“No one ever told me that grief felt so much like fear.” C.S. Lewis

Last week, on a day when I paid my bills, went to the dentist, and did exactly 4 loads of laundry, I got a phone call that let me know a close relative had advanced ovarian cancer. I slept fitfully that night, woke to a beautiful day, made some strawberry rhubarb jam, met with clients, did paperwork, ran errands, and somewhere in the flurry of the day and evening a text came through on my phone. One of my daughter’s classmates, an endearing 9 year old with a huge smile–aneurism, stroke, coma. This morning, she was gone. […]

53

by Valerie Gillies

“What you leave behind is not what is engraved on stone monuments, but what is woven into the lives of others.” Pericles

This birthday got to me. It’s never those clean, easy numbers, like 30 or 50 that do it. Instead, odd ones sneak up on me, like 45, the age at which my mother died (subconsciously assuming I wouldn’t live past the exact number of days she had.) 21 meant nothing, but 28 meant I was really an adult. 53 hit hard. By the most optimistic estimates, I’m halfway through. […]

Parallel Play

by Valerie Gillies

“The best remedy for a short temper is a long walk.” Jacqueline Schiff

Despite consuming mountains of flax and exercising daily, power surges and hormonal swings punctuate my days and nights, leaving me less kind and understanding than I’d like. Christiane Northrup, in her book Women’s Bodies, Women’s Wisdom, inspires by reframing this stage of life as an opportunity, and my nasty and selfish feelings as a means of coming to terms with my inner voice and needs. Such lovely ideals—and I want them! […]