When I was much younger people saw me as being so beautiful or so smart. Some who knew me very well, actually saw both. I strove at all costs to have my intellect be recognized as my principle asset and, heaven forbid, someone would relate to me as “just another pretty face.”
To some degree that worked. I left high school early and went to play with a large group of boys at university, who were all eager to make their mark in the big bad world of business. On graduation, I was awarded the gold medal as the outstanding graduate from a class of 400 business students. Not bad considering only ten of us were women.
Now that I’m older, I’d like to think that I’m still smart. My mother at least confirms this for me by telling me “You’re too smart for your own good.” Although I’ve never quite figured out what that means, I am going to take it as a compliment. The beauty issue is quite another story. Actually, it is in fact intertwined with many, many of my life stories, which are chronicled in my upcoming memoir, Confessions of a Middle-Aged Hippie, coming this summer.
The last picture of me online, (although only two-and-a-half-years old), apparently looks to some people like I am a lot younger than I am. One man told me I look like a single woman still in the dating scene who is in her late 20s or early 30s. I immediately booked a photo session, as I wanted a fresh new authentic author photo that represents who I am today. Having always photographed well, I’m grateful that most of the time I do look good in pictures. However, I admit that like many aging women, I questioned how real would be real enough to accurately represent me now.
My life, as I write about in my book, has been a journey to shift paradigms and show what is truly possible in most areas of my life. I know that through the magic of photoshop, it is quite easy to appear flawless and young. Does what I represent in my stories and how I live my life, mean my author photo needs to be au naturel and show that I truly walk my talk?
As a highly visual person, I openly confess that I love beauty. Youthful, innocent, flawless beauty. Beauty of course is a very subjective topic. People still tell me I am beautiful. Somehow I hear the subtext “for your age” in the statement, even though it isn’t spoken.
Not only do I love beauty, but I find thin plus beautiful even more attractive. Coming from a family who is generally plump, I figured out a clever (remember I’m smart) way to get thin, by creating a very mysterious gastrointestinal illness that led to me malabsorbing mostly everything I ate (sometimes up to 4000 calories a day), resulting in me becoming painfully thin. I write about all this in my book, exposing myself in a very raw and vulnerable way, in hopes that it might be of some help to others.
Having spent almost an entire decade at an abnormally and unhealthy low weight, I have no idea what I would have aged like as I moved into middle-age. My fall was so dramatic, that I had truly all but lost hope of ever looking “pretty” again or even getting above 95 pounds. I did emerge after a very long and arduous climb back. Maybe that is partly why this issue is so emotionally charged for me.
When the photographer asked if I was nervous about the shoot, I had to admit that the idea of having a new picture taken still surprisingly excites me.
So this middle-aged hippie took the plunge and had a photo shoot done. I’m ecstatic to report that it turned out wonderfully. We left most of the lines in my lower face and around my eyes, but not all of them. Some of the pictures are still pretty scary to me, however, I won’t make those public. When I posted one of these new pictures on Facebook, the comments were incredible. Gorgeous. Beautiful. Radiant. Captured your shining inner spirit.
I’m still working on accepting the beauty I’ve grown into at this current age. I understand that, especially in North America, we have set warped and unattainable standards because of our obsession with youthful beauty. Times are changing. They have to, if we want to encourage young women to love and accept themselves as they are so they are equipped to reach their full potential. It is imperative to foster their self-esteem, so they don’t diminish themselves, by attempting to be something that is unrealistic and unobtainable for most.
I’d like to be someone who sets an example of what is possible relating to aging. It felt affirming when a young thirty-year-old friend commented that when she clicked on my new picture online, she was delighted to see I wasn’t trying to look like a 40 or 50-something line-free, flawlessly photoshopped woman.
Beauty is still an incredibly sensitive subject for me. I know that true beauty does come from inside. It radiates out from the soul. Hopefully my life experiences are shining through and I can continue to contribute to this ongoing conversation about aging gracefully, especially in a time when women feel compelled to have all kinds of “work” done to their faces in an effort to look young. My vote (still) goes to real and authentic.
All any of us truly wants is to be seen. I encourage us all to shift the way we look and “see” the true beauty in everyone – regardless of age.
What are your thoughts on women, aging and beauty?
Visit me at: http://www.beverleygolden.com/ or follow me on Twitter: www.twitter.com/@goldenbeverley