Q- Faydra, It’s baseball season and my ex keeps bringing his new girlfriend to the ball park to watch our son play. It feels disrespectful and I find myself paying more attention to them than to my son. I want to tell my ex not to bring her to the games, is this out of line thinking? Cecily- California
A-Cecily, If your divorce wasn’t that long ago, you may still be feeling a lot of unresolved emotions that are taking your attention away from the reason you are there, which is to enjoy your son. What is great about this situation is it may be alerting you to the fact that you need a safe place to process your thoughts and feelings. If you haven’t sought therapeutic help, it might be a good time to meet with a counselor and see what you can do to get past these feelings and back into the game, so to speak.
Q- Faydra, My ex wife is verbally and sometimes physically assaultive with me during the drop off and pick up times when we exchange the children for visitation. I was raised to never hit a woman, but I am not sure what I can do when she is berating me in front of our children. Thomas- Nevada
A- Thomas, You were raised right, it is never acceptable to engage in domestic violence. You may not be aware of it, but many men are the victims of spousal abuse and some seek the safeguard of a protective order. You may want to consider consulting with an attorney or contacting a local chapter of Alternatives to Violence and see what you options are. If you are not finished with your court proceedings, having a protective order in place can greatly affect the outcome of custody and visitation.
Q- Faydra, I hate feeling alone and avoid the thoughts that come into my head by keeping a full social calendar. I read something on line that says I shouldn’t be dating or going out for at least a year after my divorce! Is this true? Sandra- Kentucky
A- Sandra, I hate to say it, but for many newly single people, this is best practice. A year can seem like a long time, but you are worth the investment in yourself to get centered, remind yourself of who you are and what you want in life. If you fill your time with business, you may be avoiding healing important areas of your psyche. You may attract broken people into your existence and that can take you from one trauma to another. I strongly urge my clients to take as much time as they need to heal, plan a new intentional future and ease back into the social scene and dating.
Faydra can be found at: http://americasdivorcecoach.us