I recently had to do something that is a difficult thing for most doctors, especially pediatricians: I attended the wake of one of my patients. While the death of a child is almost always premature, this was a particularly heart-wrenching story, of a healthy, happy ten year old boy, who died as a result of a tragic drowning accident, the details of which I still don’t know, but what I do know is that he was not wearing a life preserver. Perhaps, on that gorgeous, horrible summer day, if the current of the river on which he was tubing had been just a little gentler, or if the wind had been blowing on a slightly altered path, or if something else had been different, maybe he would be here today, playing baseball, cracking jokes, spending time outside in the neighborhood with his friends, as ten year old boys tend to do in our town when the weather is good. And while no one will ever know whether he would have been ultimately OK if he had been wearing a life preserver, this lingering question will likely forever haunt his family, and the rest of us: if only he had been wearing one, would he still be here?
As I stood in the impossibly long line at the wake with my husband, who had coached this boy in baseball a few years back when our kids played “fall ball” together, as I looked at pictures of his handsome, smiling face with his mop of blonde hair, with his skinny arms around his parents and his grandparents and his sisters, as I passed by baseball team photos and the First Communion quilt that he had helped make with other children at his church a few years ago (his piece was a simple depiction of a baseball), I couldn’t help but reflect on the similarities between this child and my own ten year-old blonde, baseball-loving son. And like all the other parents who were there that night to offer whatever support we could to his bereaved mother and father, who despite their shock and grief were amazing in their strength and grace while they stood by their child’s coffin, I couldn’t help but think about the fact that this could have easily been my own child. The unthinkable, the unbearable tragedy of losing a child, could happen to any of us.
Accidents and injuries are among the most significant causes of death in children in this country. And while sometimes a coincidental twist of fate renders such an event unavoidable, in many cases the accidental death of a child could have been prevented. Ironically, and sadly, this child was visiting trusted relatives when this accident happened; his own cautious parents, had they known he was not wearing a life preserver, would have likely insisted that more safety precautions be taken around the water.
We cannot predict everything and we cannot protect our children from all types of harm. We can, however, follow guidelines, most of which have been established based on solid research which supports various safety measures; research which shows that things like properly installing and using car seats, consistently wearing seat belts when our kids are old enough, wearing bike helmets and life preservers and various other practices, really do save lives. The American Academy of Pediatrics website (www.aap.org) is an excellent resource for viewing current safety guidelines for everything from car seat use to bike safety to recommendations on keeping safe around water and even fireworks during the summer.
An unexpected accident could happen to any one of us, or one of our kids, at any time: on the highway, at the beach; on a bike or skateboard. Perhaps, if we are all little more cognizant and vigilant when it comes to safety, as parents and other family members, as doctors, teachers, coaches and other adults in the community who take care of our kids, we can help decrease the chances of tragedy.
Parents should not have to bury their children. It’s just not supposed to happen that way. There but for the grace of God, go I…