admin, Author at Mothering in the Middle

Father’s Day

by Andrea Lynn

It’s Father’s Day as I write this. The end of the day, the kids in bed, and they’ve survived, once again, this day our family does not celebrate. It was the first year Claire was really aware of Father’s Day, because her kindergarten class did a project for their dads. I’d given her a head’s up, of course, when she was thrilled with her first elementary school Mother’s Day project.

Guess what, sweetie. You’ll do this again next month, but it’ll be for dads. You can do your project for someone else, for me or for Grandpa. She chose Grandpa, and on Friday the project came home, duly wrapped and labeled for my father, who lives 300 miles away and will get it when we visit this summer. […]

Today’s 50 is Yesterday’s 40, Or Less (A Father’s Day Story)

by Len Filppu

Dear Reader: We are again fortunate and pleased to present the writings of the inestimable Len Filppu – this time with today’s launch of his new book, PRIME TIME DADS: 45 Reasons to Embrace Midlife Fatherhood.

At the start of the 20th century, the average American lived only 47 years. Life expectancy for that same American born today is approximately 78 years. Life expectancy in the United States is currently longer than ever before, and it is on the increase.

These advances are not driven by chugging Methuselah mash from the latest fountain of youth or even esoteric medical innovations affordable mainly by billionaires. It’s about down to earth basics that are directly within our control. […]

Being the Primary Caretaker in Any Relationship (An Homage to Father’s Day)

by Marc Parsont

As we rush by Mother’s Day and push toward Father’s Day, I’d like to remind everyone that loving your children is more important than gender. Being the primary caregiver in any relationship, male or female, isn’t easy, but using gender as the sole criteria is passé, as passé as pay phones, records (please bring vinyl back), lava lamps and politicians who believe in compromise.

Men can’t lactate or give birth, but from what I’ve heard from women, that may not be such a bad thing. The act of childbearing doesn’t always equate with good child rearing. […]

American Adoptive Parents Don’t Deserve the Heat

by Tina Traster

A few weeks ago, a filmmaker for Radio Free Europe spent the day with my family at our home in upstate New York documenting our “ordinary” moments. Olga Loginova, the filmmaker, promised to produce the six-minute documentary within a week. She said it was urgent to show the world there are “successful Russian adoptions.”

Why? Because Americans’ ability to parent Russian orphans has become a flashpoint in a complicated political struggle that began when Americans took aim at Russia’s handling of human rights by passing the Magnitsky Act. The conflict escalated after Russia retaliated by shutting down adoptions to Americans after more than two decades. […]

there’s no place like hOMe

by Jenilyn Gilbert

I’ve been practicing meditation on and off for thirty seven years. I started my practice at six (or whatever age I was when I was playing with my Wizard of Oz dolls, because they came with me to my first lesson).

My parents brought me to a meditation center where a nice lady gave me a mantra to practice. The mantra I was given was the classic sound “Om” and I was to say it as many times as my age, so six times. When I got home, I recall chanting on my swing in the backyard and saying “Om” out loud and losing count as I enjoyed the vibration of the sound in my chest. […]

Have You Become a Midlife Concert-Goer?

by Nancy Davis Kho

It’s funny how people over thirty but under fifty tend to deny that the term “midlife” applies to them yet. I understand that impulse, but I also understand actuarial tables. Still, there is a fail-safe way to figure out whether you’ve officially hit midlife yet: by dint of your concert-going behaviors.

I’ve devised this easy test to help you figure it out!

1) Upon learning that a band you love is coming to town for a show, but is scheduled to play at a venue that is General Admission (standing room only), do you:

a) Get a thrill of excitement that you’ll be able to dance and hope that the crowd will be as pumped up as you?

b) Groan inwardly and scan other local tour dates in case any of them offer, you know, chairs? You’ll gladly pay more for the privilege. […]

Redefining Beauty and Brains (as a Middle-Aged Hippie)

by Beverley Golden

When I was much younger people saw me as being so beautiful or so smart. Some who knew me very well, actually saw both. I strove at all costs to have my intellect be recognized as my principle asset and, heaven forbid, someone would relate to me as “just another pretty face.”

To some degree that worked. I left high school early and went to play with a large group of boys at university, who were all eager to make their mark in the big bad world of business. On graduation, I was awarded the gold medal as the outstanding graduate from a class of 400 business students. Not bad considering only ten of us were women. […]

Mistaken Identity and a Big Mistake

by Ellie Stoneley

I guess it had to happen one day …

17 months have passed since she was born. I was 47 then, I’m (just) 49 now. Many people have congratulated me on my beautiful, funny, chatting, waving, singing, dancing daughter. And then, finally, along with the sunshine came the question that the media would like to think that I (as an ‘older mother’) get asked all the time. “Are you her Grandmother?” Oddly it wasn’t just once but twice in the same day … and both times by other (older-looking) women. […]

The Myths and Realities of Open Adoption

by Deborah Siegel, Ph.D, LICSW

Image courtesy of www.Lavenderluz.com

Dear Reader: I first became interested in open adoption in 1985 when, in my clinical practice, I worked with two little guys adopted from foster care. These boys, ages 7 and 8, were tormented by unanswered questions about their first mother, “Susie,” who suffered from mental illness and drug addiction.

Susie’s parental rights had been involuntarily terminated due to her abusive neglect of her young sons. A loving couple had recently adopted the boys, yet the kids continued to struggle; hence, their referral for psychotherapy with me, an adoption specialist. The boys could not understand why they could have no contact whatsoever with Susie, as they worried endlessly about whether or not she was still alive, or if they would ever see her again. Listening to my young clients, I too wondered why it would be so awful for them to at the very least be able to contact Susie by mail.

Bewildered and curious myself, I looked at the adoption literature at the time. I read a lot of beliefs about how secrecy was necessary. But I found little if any research data to support these beliefs.

Thus began my two decade long study of families living with open adoptions. In 1988 I identified 22 families who had just adopted an infant in open adoptions, and I have re-inteviewed these families every seven years since then in order to find out what open adoption is like, from the perspective of those who are living in it. The infants in that study are now young adults, able […]

Musings…

by Josie Iselin

Knitting

Knitting gives me a sense of accomplishment, of getting somewhere. If I’ve done nothing else during the day —

except, of course, the loads of laundry, food prep, child pick-up, logistical phone calls,

homework help, birthday present acquisition, and what-all —

at least I’ve completed a few rows and the scarf gets a little longer before the day is chalked up.

www.JosieIselin.com

About admin

Knitting gives me a sense of accomplishment, of getting somewhere. If I’ve done nothing else during the day —

except, of course, the loads of laundry, food prep, child pick-up, logistical phone calls,

homework help, birthday present acquisition, and what-all —

at least I’ve completed a few rows and the scarf gets a little longer before the day is chalked up.