Unlike most sane men, I don’t fear and dread Valentine’s Day. My wife seems to be as much annoyed by the contrivance as I am.
Of course that doesn’t let me off from getting her a card. Her non-observance goes only so far. The card alone, is enough to bring back the cold sweats and reminders of my youth. Who gets a V-card? Who doesn’t get a V-card?
Who likes me? Who doesn’t like me?
Do you remember sixth grade camp? I do. I remember the first dance I invited a girl to. How about the first time you had to get undressed and dressed in gym class. The feeling is about the same; uncertainty, nervousness, complete and utter humiliation and not quite knowing why you feel so f-ing stupid.
I wish I could say that feeling changed as I grew up. With each Valentine’s Day though, I knew, I knew that the deck was not only stacked, marked and rigged against me, but every single human male ever born.
How did one day come to symbolize love, devotion, caring for all eternity and at the same time the futility of men to understand women? I gave my vows in front of my family and friends. Don’t remember St. Valentine on the guest list. Certainly wasn’t written into my marriage contract that I would have to renew my vows with heart shaped candies, chocolates and flowers. I did have the feeling that cupids minions ate all my wedding dinner and didn’t leave me anything but meagre leftovers.
Valentine’s Day symbolizes male futility and frustration. We really haven’t learned anything at all about how to truly care and treat women. We undervalue their work, charge them more for dry cleaning, hog the remote and try offering candy and flowers to make up for it. If you think about males and females in terms of Darwinian theory, it’s rather surprising we’ve made it this far as a race. I have to mark that up to volume there.
Valentine’s day is a short term solution for long term ignorance. We fete women, re-stating our undying love for them and the fact that they put up with us at all and then fall dormant for another 364 days.
I love you Heidi. Got you a card.