Please welcome our first regular “Mr. Mom,” stay-at-home-midlife-father-contributor. His perspective will be most welcome!
Dear Reader: It’s 5:30 a.m. and my son wet his bed. Since I was up, I set a camera to record my daughter sleeping to see if she has apnea and following this lead in will try and learn Quick Books in time for our taxes, all the while hoping, no praying that the dog won’t bark and that I’ll remember to turn off my alarm before waking, you guessed it—my wife.
As a “Mr. Mom,” I thought that writing on a midlife mothers site would be daunting. Women writers, and midlife mothers, in general, have me at a general disadvantage. My experiences, while similar, can only skim the surface. Since I’ve been asked to present my perspective, I’d like to start with this post.My perspective might offer some contrasting thoughts and views to what is already a difficult decision – women choosing motherhood over 40. As a male, choosing parenthood at age 45, I, too had a great learning curve involving growing up. We also faced the issue of starting a family quickly because of our late timing and biological clocks.
However, thrown into the mix of first-time (late!) parenting came our decision for me to become “Mr. Mom.” I’d like to go into my reasons for being a stay at home parent in greater depth in future blogs, but in short, it made sense financially and flexibility-wise for the family. Outwardly, I accepted my role, but inwardly, even to this day, I have fought my decision. I love to cook and clean (don’t look at my office), but always felt that I should be contributing more financially. My wife reminds me, even now, that she knew she was marrying a massage therapist…
I want to stress, need to stress, how unprepared I was for both marriage and having children. I couldn’t believe how calcified and how negative I had become. Parenthood, as you can imagine then, came as a shock. However, nothing was a greater shock than the response I received to being a stay-at-home-dad. Men couldn’t imagine staying at home with a child and, women, in general, couldn’t hide their disdain, disbelief or maybe audacity that a man would even try to be the primary caregiver. My own paranoia didn’t explain away the many (and ongoing) reactions I received.
Try scheduling a play date with a group of mothers – young, midlife or any age – when you’re a male. You will not be able to talk breast-pumping and milk storage, hemorrhoids or getting rid of birth weight with the majority of women. I didn’t know we had to worry about pre-school AND college while the kids were embryonic. And I’m sorry, but as long as there’s no leakage, I don’t care what the diaper (cotton or disposable) looks like.
In the end, the Old Girl Network kicks in as quickly as the Old Boy Network and, I’ve found, it’s just as strong.
I admit that it took me a little longer to get into the stay-at-home-dad-swing-of-things. I fell asleep reading all those baby books. You can’t faint when your child needs a shot or has to have blood drawn. Leaving baby nipples on the stove while you take a walk with your child will draw the attention of the local fire department. Children should not eat flowers as their first solid food.
It felt then, and it still feels now, like I’m doing an o.k. job, parenting. My wife keeps up with all the latest child rearing information and passes it on to me when I’m paying attention. The fire department comes by less frequently; my son only occasionally copies some of my worst habits and my daughter does not have me twined around her little finger no matter what anyone else may say.
These things I can tell you about with an air of authority regardless of schooling or position. Hopefully, my experiences may amuse you as well as help you travel this road. Midlife mothering/midlife parenting is in a category all its own. And, for a myriad of reasons, it can be a lot of fun—if you ever get any sleep. On to Quick Books!
Marc Parsont, 52, together with his wife of seven years, is a parent to a four-year-old daughter and a five-year-old son, born 13 months apart. A nationally certified massage therapist with 17 years of experience, Marc resides in the DC Metro Area. His previous incarnations involved work in the hotel and convention industries. Marc loves to cook, watch bad television, read Sci-Fi and murder mysteries. He collects way too many things and is not allowed to fix the plumbing in the house anymore.