admin, Author at Mothering in the Middle

The Truth About Childless Women

Melanie Notkin

Nearly 46 percent of American women through age 44 are childless. That’s up from 35 percent in 1976.

All reasons this generation of women are not bearing children at the same rate their mothers did are valid. Some are young women and just not at a point in their lives where motherhood is a choice they’d like to make. Some are ‘fence-sitters,’ not sure about whether or not they want children. Some are childfree by choice. Some are gay and need to take a potentially longer and less traditional route to motherhood. Some are suffering from biological infertility. And some, like me, are what I call “circumstantially infertile.” […]

Baby Steps: The Journey of a (Brand-New) Foster-to-Adopt Mom

Dear Reader, this is the first in a series by a 54-year-old single, childless woman who is in the beginning stages of pursuing foster-to-adopt. She is excited. She is scared. She is also a midlife woman. We will follow her journey to the end! To that aim, she will remain anonymous until it unfolds. We will then reveal her name, her child’s name and any other details necessary to complete her story.

I made the call today. I have been thinking about it for five years.

I have thought about becoming a foster parent ever since I moved to my state. But there were always reasons to wait. My dad was sick, I was in school, and most importantly, I did not have a partner – a man – in my life. I always wanted to create a family, in the traditional sense. Five years later, still no man. I am now 54. My dad has passed away, my mom recently passed as well. My brother’s family had also been my extended family and greatest supporter. Now he is divorced; my nephew has moved away to college; my youngest niece is living in another state with her mother. […]

The Many Orbits of a Midlife Mother

by Karen C. Hug-Nagy

Becoming a first time Mom of twins at age forty-five was like viewing a meteor shower in space, an amazing sight! Within an instant, I could sense a shift in my current orbit. I suspected something was about to change, and it did, with a loud BANG! […]

Our Time Has Come

New technologies and cultural shifts have created a booming cohort of wrinkled moms and dads with newborn babies. So why do older parents make so many people uneasy? By Lisa Miller

Note the latest issue of New York Magazine featuring a…Midlife Mother! The topic? New mothers over 50. There’s been much criticism of this article, with commentators believing it is negatively skewed – reflecting time-old common societal perceptions of women and middle age – rather than promoting this as the latest chapter in the women’s movement and an inspiration for future generations of women.

For me, the issue is just about enlightening the public. At this point, I’m not interested in whether the commentary is negative or positive. This rapidly common occurrence will, of itself, find level ground. Common concensus will come over (much) time, with years of studies, statistical analyses and commentaries reflecting the various sides and aspects of new older mothering.

For now, we have the brewhaha that all this creates. Talk on…and read more about it on….http://nymag.com/news/features/mothers-over-50-2011-10/

Time to Get Moving

by Peg O'Neill

I love autumn: the cool and clean of the air, the turning of the leaves, the pumpkins, the mums, the start of the school year, with new shiny notebooks and clean backpacks and the opportunity to get up every morning and pack lunches for school…obviously, I’m kidding about this last one, but everything else is true. Autumn is also the time where a lot of mothers get their groove back with respect to exercising. Over the past few weeks, I have heard numerous moms on the playground after school or who are bringing their kids into my office for check-ups, talk about their own plans for exercise this fall. […]

Quote of the Day

First it started out drizzling and then it burst out raining like a Pinata. (From my six year old, in conversation)

The Time for All Seasons is Now

At this time of year, I am filled with a sadness that the end of summer brings, the anticipation and hope for the coming fall, and a sense of introspection that the Jewish New Year – Rosh Hashonah – offers. For many Jews, this holiday (which begins tomorrow tonight) is intended to provide an intense reflection of the past year – self-examination and sincere repentance for past transgressions and harmful motivations, forgiveness and acceptance, and the chance to make things “right” – in this case, for our fate to be sealed in the Book of Life. […]

You Want Fries With That Birth Order?

by Julie Donner Andersen

Being pregnant with baby number three – my midlife “oops” – was about as much fun as a funeral, and the responses to the news of our baby’s impending arrival were often just as depressing. Instead of the gasps and hugs by teary-eyed well-wishers the other pregnancies had solicited, this pregnancy was greeted with responses such as “Oh, I’m so sorry!” or “Better you than me!” It was as if I had just informed them that I was dying and not welcoming a new chapter in the book of our family by means of extending it.

I felt about as welcomed as a leper at our friends’ homes. No one patted my swollen tummy like a Buddha, hoping luck would rub off on him or her, as they had with my other pregnancies. Instead, our friends made hex signs with crossed fingers and said weird things like, “Hmm…wonder what’s in the water? I’M not drinking it!” or “Stay away from me! Your condition might be catchy!” No one wanted to feel this baby move, since that was old hat, too. Instead, they shot me sympathetic looks while secretly hoping my bladder would withstand the internal soccer match so I wouldn’t pee all over their sofas. […]

Midlife Crisis: A Misleading Myth or A Reality in Search of a New Name?

by Vivian Diller Ph.D

Although originally used by psychologists to describe a transitional stage in adult development, today the midlife crisis is often associated with the guy in his 40s who finds a young girlfriend and runs off in his new sports car; or the woman, about the same age, who reinvents herself, buys a new wardrobe — and sometimes buys a new face. Is it a myth? An excuse for impulsive, bad behavior and unrealistic transformations? Or is it a reality in need of a new name, given recent changes in contemporary culture? […]

Fall, in the footsteps of my mother

by Andrea Lynn

I always feel like my mother when I clean the oven. I did it last night in recognition that our days of barbecuing will be curtailed soon enough, and an oven-warmed house will soon be a lovely thing. Oven cleaning has come a long way, with the push of a button, but there is still the messy bit at the end that involves rubber gloves, and that is when I feel like my mother — in the best possible way. Productive. […]

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