admin, Author at Mothering in the Middle

Mother’s Day

by Marc Parsont

Mother’s Day terrifies me. I have an opportunity to make up for everything I may have done poorly, am doing wrong or will do poorly as a husband and as the caretaker in the house. If I get it right, brownie points until her birthday. If I get it wrong, the Sirens will howl for my head.

So, it is with this thought that I share the following: I was shopping for cards for my wife for Mother’s Day, when my friend Virginia sidled up to my cart. After we greeted each other warmly, she looked at the cards (plural) in my hand and started on a diatribe that I wouldn’t have expected coming from her. […]

Cyma Shapiro Interviews Elizabeth Benedict, Author of What My Mother Gave Me

Q: Mothering is a complex topic fraught with so many aspects and adjuncts. What was the impetus for writing this type of book?

A: Obsession is the impetus for most books, and this was no exception. The last gift my mother gave me was a beautiful black wool scarf with pastel embroidery – quite striking and gorgeous – that she’d bought from a holiday vendor at the assisted living place where she lived at the end of her life. I wore it for many years over the neck of my winter coat, and got compliments on it all the time, and was always asked where I got it. It was always hard to answer, both because I couldn’t direct anyone to a store, and because it came from my mother, with whom I’d had distant and fraught relationship.

After she died, I became silently obsessed with the scarf, and went into a panic when I thought I’d lost it. For years, I thought about what the scarf meant to me – that it kept me warm, that it stood for my mother, that we’d had this distant relationship. After a lifetime of not feeling close to her, I felt an intense attachment to the scarf. I eventually wondered if other women had such a gift from their mothers, a gift that opened the door to the whole relationship. I started asking writers, and the result has just been published. […]

Perspective (It’s All About Perspective)

by Jane Samuel

In my older age (NOT old age) I have noticed something. Call it an Oprah-Aha-moment. Or wisdom that comes with gray hair – of which I have none yet, thank you very much. Or clarity. Or Karma.

Whatever it is, it is important. It is what can turn an opinion on its head, an observation into a judgment or a friend away. It can make silver-linings shine through apparent darkness.

It’s perspective. And as we age we gain more of it I hope. At least that seems to be the case with me and why I am glad that I am parenting my kids a tad later than I had planned.

I think back over so many events that now seem vastly different because life has handed me – through other events – perspective. […]

Sticks and Stones

by Ellie Stoneley

Dear Reader: Our very own UK-based Ellie Stoneley has been shortlisted for the prestigious Brilliance in Blogging award for her blog, Mush Brained Ramblings.

Here is her latest work:

“Sticks and stones may break my bones But names will never hurt me”

This pearl of wisdom, attributed to a Mrs George Cuppples in something called Tappy’s Chicks back in 1872, is now part of nursery folklore.

I’ve never been particularly bothered by names or labels, which is probably just as well. I always wanted to be known as Beth (inspired by sweet gentle Beth from Little Women), but that never stuck, instead I ended up with Ellie as a result of my brother singing his version of (N)ellie the elephant very gleefully when my mother plated my hair into tight braids behind my ears which then stuck out at right angles.

I married in my mid forties (maybe the ears had put people off before that) and a few months before the wedding, was referred to by someone as a ‘spinster’ that’s one of the few names I have objected to … not long after that I became a “Mrs.,” a label that seems somehow too grown up for me and I’ve never quite got the hang of. Then, by an utter miracle, just over four years later, I became a mother. […]

Motherhood, with Gratitude

by Andrea Lynn

Kristi and children by photographer Tracy Cianflone

I finally saw the NURTURE: Stories of New Midlife Mothers* photo exhibit. I’ve seen many of the photos on the website, of course, and knew about the project before I started blogging here. I consider the creator of this whole Midlife Mothering project an old friend, though I suppose it has only been a few years. But, seeing the photos in real life, and reading the stories of the mothers and their children in black and white, was different.

We read so much online now, it seems rare to be standing before a real photo, much larger than my computer screen, and reading the stories in person, as others shuffled around me, sharing the exhibit space in downtown Toronto. […]

Walk the Talk (A Commentary)

by Wendy Sue Noah

Life with five precious children by my side has inspired me to be the best person I can be so that my children have a role model to follow as they make bigger and bigger choices in their own lives.

I didn’t have a role model growing up. And, so, I found myself in many dark corners trying to figure out where to shine my light. Or, trying to figure out where my light was hiding. […]

Cyma Shapiro Chats with the Creator of PureAdam*

Q: Hi, Adam. Thank you so much for taking the time to talk with us today. We’d like to shed light on the fascinating business of sperm donation – a more recent addition to the variety of paths leading to motherhood. Please tell me a little about how you started your company?

A: From just chatting about topical issues with various friends and acquaintances, I had a general awareness of the obstacles facing people who – for whatever reason – have been unable to have children but who still want to pursue that dream. I’m thinking of obstacles such as long waiting lists for clinics, expensive fees for treatment, the embarrassment of asking for help from friends, that sort of thing.

Then I heard about a man who had offered his services (on Craigslist or something similar) and thought there must be a middle way. I discussed the concept of PureAdam with a great many female friends in their late 30s and 40s and they were extremely enthusiastic about the idea. […]

My Misconceptions About Conceiving

by Lori Shandle-Fox

There are a dozen reasons why, according to nobody but me, I shouldn’t have had trouble getting pregnant. Sure, I was old. But my mother had been too. She was 36 when my sister was born and 40 when I was born.

Shouldn’t I somehow have inherited my mother’s fertility? I’m not sure exactly how of course. Through osmosis, photosynthesis, something. I mean we were pretty close, I looked just like her, and we lived in the same house for 18 years. Clearly the dominant fertility gene should have rubbed off on me somehow. And my sister and I were both born in the sixties. Haven’t our lifestyles and technology and our environments progressed so much in forty plus years that our reproductive systems should have been more durable? (Yes, I AM aware that not one of those is rational but there you have it.) […]

Myths About Donor Egg and Donor Sperm

by Amy Demma

Myth: It isn’t your baby.

Busted!: I hear this worry from more prospective recipients of donor gametes (and donor embryo) than just about any other concern. I first address this matter in a legal context and discuss with clients that any donor (sperm, egg, embryo) should be expected to relinquish all rights to the gametes (or the embryos) as well as explicitly relinquish parental rights to children resulting from the donation. With sperm donation, this relinquishment is typically done through consents at the cryobank. With egg and embryo donation, it is recommended that relinquishment of donor rights be memorialized in a direct contract between the donor and the recipient.

Of equal concern, though, is whether or not the parent who lacks in a shared genetic connection with the child will feel a parental connection, while this should be explored with a mental health professional experienced in collaborative reproduction …the best response I have to offer is the following quote from a parent of a donor conceived child: “The child who came into my life is the most beautiful, spirited child…he is the child I was meant to have and he fills me with love every minute of the day.” […]

Facts and Myths About Infertility (from RESOLVE – the National Infertility Association)

Myth: Infertility is a women’s problem.

Fact: This is untrue. It surprises most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of the cases, a male problem in 35% of the cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases, and unexplained in 10% of cases. It is essential that both the man and the woman be evaluated during an infertility work-up.

Myth: Everyone seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat.

Fact: More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. When you seek support, you will find that you are not alone. Join RESOLVE, a support group, or talk with others who are struggling to build a family, so that you won’t feel isolated. […]

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