I’ve been practicing meditation on and off for thirty seven years. I started my practice at six (or whatever age I was when I was playing with my Wizard of Oz dolls, because they came with me to my first lesson).
My parents brought me to a meditation center where a nice lady gave me a mantra to practice. The mantra I was given was the classic sound “Om” and I was to say it as many times as my age, so six times. When I got home, I recall chanting on my swing in the backyard and saying “Om” out loud and losing count as I enjoyed the vibration of the sound in my chest.
I still enjoy that feeling and although I have lived in many different places over the years, sitting in silence or chanting is like returning home no matter where I am. This is where I come back to me, to what I believe…not what my husband, or my doctor, or the research on the internet would have me believe, but what I know to be true for myself.
This daily practice has helped me gain perspective, especially during the past two and half years of trying to conceive. And although I have probably read all of the books published on the subject of infertility, some of the best medicine and advice has come to me through sitting in silence.
I go to my meditation mat when I’m elated, excited and calm, but I find it is most useful when I’m feeling sad, angry or irritable. It hasn’t always been easy. There have been times when I cried my little heart out before I started my practice and sometimes that was my meditation exercise for the day. At other times, nothing comes through. It’s just quiet and I’m upset because I want to hear something wise.
On other days I resist my practice, mostly because I’m scared of what I’ll find there. Often I already know the truth, but I’m scared to face it, and so I avoid going within and listening to my inner guidance. Eventually, somehow I summon the courage and sit my butt down and listen, and usually I’m glad I did.
Before my practice, if I feel out of balance, the feeling I reach for is compassion. When my heart starts to soften at the issue I brought to the mat, I often offer compassion to those that are traveling along with me on my fertility journey. I start with opening my heart to my husband and his heartache during this journey, then on to my clients with their gains and losses, and finally to my doctor, nurses, acupuncturist, therapist and the rest of the team of healers.
I know that they, while sometimes doing their jobs in such a frenzied state, entered this field most likely because they wanted to help others. Most importantly, I practice compassion for myself in that I’m doing the best that I can and that the steps that I am taking are “good enough.”
As lost as I may feel on my path at times, I know that I have the power to return home, just as Glenda shared with Dorothy, “You’ve always had the power, my dear. You’ve had it all along.”
I speak more about ways to meditate and create mindfulness in this upcoming free virtual fertility teleseminar. Eighteen fertility experts are interviewed from a variety of specializations and provide ways to improve your chances of conception and improving egg quality. Pass this on to people you know are fertility challenged or visit http://www.profcs.com/app/?af=