Maggie Lamond Simone

Vampires (Halloween, That Is…)


When my kids were younger, Halloween brought out their desires. Whether the costumes represented a superhero, a butterfly, or a Star Wars character, they typically chose embodiments that might not be quite possible in real life . . . and which made them all the more desirable.


It’s actually no different than adults. We often choose costumes that are completely different than our real selves, yet which just might – maybe, possibly – reflect a hidden desire. When the husband wears a mask to hand out candy, he often gravitates to former presidents or the devil … which, yes, now concerns me. [Read More…]

By |October 31st, 2014|Categories: Commentary, Daily Living|Tags: , , |0 Comments

Autumn in the Air (Going Back)

leaf“I wouldn’t go back there for the world!” I said to a woman whose daughter was picking out new school stuff alongside my son.

“All I did was worry about homework and clothes, and if I wasn’t doing that, I was chasing a boy – not that I ever caught one. It was just way too much stress.”

“I know!” the woman laughed. “I’m glad this one’s only in first grade!”

“That’s when I was talking about,” I replied. She grabbed her child and fled. [Read More…]

Getting On the Bus

“So, is he ready to get on the bus?” my friend asked, knowing my son is starting kindergarten.  “And, more importantly, are you?”

“He sure is, but last I checked, I’m not getting on the bus!” I laughed, fully aware of her meaning but not quite prepared to answer.  What she meant, of course, was, am I ready for my son to get on the bus? And, of course, I’m not.  [Read More…]

Vacation II

family bathing suitsIt’s good to get away.

The family unity experienced at the start of a vacation is a thing of beauty. The sense of expectation is high and positive attitudes abound. Vacations provide bonding opportunities for both parents and children that will last a lifetime. There is no fighting, no crying and very little whining

We try to vacation at least once a year. We usually go to beaches because I’ve been on a quest to find a conch shell on the beach for the last forty years or so. We’ve been to Maine (no conch shells), Cape Cod (no conch shells), and North Carolina (no conch shells.)

With each conch shell failure, I become more dejected. It bothers my husband almost as much, I think. He hates to see me sad, because he loves me and also because my clutter tends to worsen. “Hey, here’s a thought!” he helpfully chimed in during this year’s planning process. “Let’s find out where the conchs are, and go there!” I ignored his sarcasm and booked a trip to the Gulf Coast of Florida. [Read More…]

Vacation I

family bathing suitsThe purpose of a vacation, they say, is to make us feel better. It is an opportunity to escape from real life for awhile, to pamper ourselves, to do things we ordinarily don’t do. It is meant to restore our mental health so that the usual daily routine isn’t so bad. That’s why we look forward to it each and every year.

This year, with the kids a little bit older, we had a family meeting to discuss where to go. After some debate and discussion, we decided as a family to go to the ocean. After making said decision, the husband and children then went about their lives, their jobs apparently complete. [Read More…]

Swimsuit Season

family bathing suitsWell, fans, it’s back-to-you-know-what time, and once again we’re hoping that everyone is returning refreshed, with a little more knowledge and maybe a little more confidence than last year! We’re pretty excited up here in the booth, as we get a bird’s-eye view of the season’s latest styles.

We’ve seen it all over the years, haven’t we? Hahaha. I mean, especially with The Mom – the shorts and t-shirt . . . the skirts that float around her like some bizarre jellyfish when she steps into the water . . . the caftans . . . the wraps . . . the classic towel-about-the-waist . . . yes, folks, she’s really “covered” the gamut in her ongoing efforts to convince us she doesn’t have thighs! And I don’t even want to think about the bikini wax issue! [Read More…]

By |June 18th, 2014|Categories: Commentary, Daily Living, Midlife Foibles!, Mothers Over 50|Tags: , , |1 Comment

My Two Dads (In Honor of Father’s Day)

You could say I always had suspicions.  The fact that they get along so well in and of itself was a tipoff, but true confirmation came the first time I saw my husband clean the house.  He was a man on a mission, determined to clean it like it had never been cleaned before . . . and convinced that it hadn’t been.

I found myself watching the whole scenario with my mother’s bemused expression and thought, “Oh . . . my . . . GOD.  I’ve married my father.”

Although I’m doing better with it as time goes on, I admit I saw many of the stages of grief when the similarities started becoming noticeable.  There was denial (“No. I’m imagining it.  He does not turn the TV up after I go to bed”), anger (“Okay, stop it! I mean it! Stop rearranging my counters!”), all the way to acceptance (“All right, honey.  We can leave for the show two hours early.”) [Read More…]

Mom’s Day

Maggie's kidsYes, my friends, it’s that time of year again, time for the annual Mother’s Day Column. It changes every year; as I change as a mother, as my relationship with own mother grows with age, as I watch my friends with their children. This year, however, as I sat at the computer typing out thoughts, I was struggling a bit, and I finally realized why. My kids.

“Ow! Mom!’ the girl screamed, “he hit me!”

“I did not!” the boy cried. “I was just swinging my hand and she walked into it!”

“I did not!” the girl cried. “He hit me!” [Read More…]

Spring is in the Hair

maggie lamond simoneMy house, to me, is like my hair. For the most part, it’s clean; it’s just usually . . . disheveled. Tousled. Windswept, as it were. It’s got a carefree, playful look. Sassy, even. Some days I might forget to comb it, and for special occasions I might add a little style, but in general, I just throw a big ol’ hat on it and hope for the best.

Yes, I am not what you would call a neatnik. My husband calls me the Clutter Queen, and it was not without some irony that I married a man whose only truly pushable button is, yes, clutter. His dream house would be a vacant building. He believes that anything designed for storage, from the kitchen counters to the hall closet to the basement, is specifically designed for the storage of air. [Read More…]

Baby, It’s Cold Outside

coldThis winter, I’ve decided, has been a lot like childbirth.

I don’t mean in the classic sense, obviously, because it hasn’t physically caused me to scream obscenities at complete strangers for hours on end (well, not often, anyway) and it hasn’t lasted nine months (yet), but rather in a more metaphysical sense – in the way that people seem to deal with them both.

We seem to take an awful lot of pride in our pain.

It’s almost like a competition.  We compare birthing stories the same way we compare winter stories – how much weight we gained, how much snow we got, how long we were in labor, how cold it was, how long we pushed, how high the winds were, how much pain we were in, and, er, how much pain we were in.  [Read More…]

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