This year I set up our Christmas tree and for the first time, I also put out my menorahs or as I’ve learned they are really called, Hanukkiahs. I’m not Jewish and neither is my husband, but my kids are as they were born to a Jewish woman who was our traditional surrogate named Jessica, or fondly referred to as “Chava.”
We have blended our families and together we make up a large and diverse group of individuals – both in tradition and in heritage. But, in the end we are simply family. And, during the holiday season no matter what traditions you follow, family, love and sweet fellowship are at the center of it all.
Since the beginning of our surrogacy journey, the connection between our future kids and Jessica, her family and her cultural and religious lineage were of the utmost importance to me. I gratefully made it my job as their mom to teach my kids the traditions and beliefs that are practiced on all sides of their family. Not just Christmas but also Hanukah, which is why I bought Hanukah candles while we were waiting for our photos with Santa.
I know all about Christmas – I’ve been celebrating it for 46 years. But, I didn’t know much about Hanukah. So, I started reading and studying. I learned about the story behing the holiday – the battles, the lights, the oil, the Temple dedication. I’ve excitedly accepted invitations to spend the first night with Jessica’s family lighting the first candle and eating latkes.
We’ve made reservations to spend the second night at the Temple attending the dinner and community candle lighting. On the 3rd night, I will bring the kids to the public Hanukkiah. We will sing songs, light candles, drink hot chocolate and eat sufganiyots – jelly-filled donuts. SEE? I told you I’ve been studying!
One of my Jewish friends said that I’m “getting my Hanukah on!”
The last 5 days of the holiday, the kids and I will light our own candles and I will talk to them about rededicating temples and the miracle of the Hanukah oil and God’s blessings. In truth, I will likely stumble through the story and my kids will probably pay attention to me for all of a minute before running away but I don’t care, I am doing it anyway.
Some year in the future, they will pay attention longer and, like magic, one year they will remember the previous Hanukah. And, eventually they will have many years of our candle- lighting memories with their Gentile mom. But, it isn’t the candle lighting I so much care about – it is the family, us, together, celebrating miracles. Celebrating miracles with my little miracles, poignant isn’t it? It gives me chills as I write this.
We still have a Christmas tree, although I am almost afraid to admit, Christmas has evolved into a different kind of holiday for me. This admission is not something I am ready to confront right now, eventually perhaps but not this year. Because in my home this year and the foreseeable years to come, we will observe both holidays with all the respect and honor these holidays deserve. And we will do so surrounded by family and those we love, cherishing all those holiday traditions that are a part of what makes us who we are.
And, no matter what you chose to celebrate isn’t that what it’s really all about?