movie theatre seatingAs parents, we’re spending all this time worrying about not keeping score at our kid’s games; being supportive, not yelling, having fun at sporting events, etc. – so much so that we have ignored our most basic needs—of us, the parents.

Why do we watch the games on television rather than go to the game? It’s not just because some of us need to be near the restroom. It’s more basic than that. We’re sitting on bleachers, wood, metal, itchy grass. We’re subject to searing cold and blazing hot days. Even the ides of any month would be bearable if we just had movie-theater seating at all the games.

At this point in my (mid) life, give me a cushy seat, a Dolby stereo surround sound speaker system, basic food stuffs, a little petit cru and some Brie, for example. I can watch any game, no matter how long, cold or wet it is. We could add a lightning rod, a wet bar and cheer our kids on until dark or the booze ran dry. (I’d prefer to keep it inside, I must admit, but it all works.)

I’m all for organized sports, as long as I don’t have to sweat myself. We could hire someone to video and/or do podcasts of any game and not have to be there, except in spirit. Let’s tweet to our sons or daughters, “Good Game! Swing that bat, shoot, don’t shoot, hustle.”

Be honest with me. Do your kids even know you exist if you aren’t online, texting, e-mailing or tweeting?

The future as Asimov envisioned it isn’t far away, either. We could animate robotic parents to be our proxies for a slight fee. Heck, our kids could be using joysticks and be safe and sound at home. Lightning strikes might still be a problem, but robots are replaceable.

We would record a list of appropriate comments—no need to worry about screaming parents or coaching from the sidelines. Punch a button and send a warming, nurturing message to your child. Isn’t technology grand?

Go team go! Go team go!