Valentine’s Day falls in the dead of winter, and this has been one of the coldest, snowiest and wettest. Romantically, I can imagine a roaring fireplace in an isolated cabin, some brandy, no children, reading Marguerite Duras’ The Lover to each other. But I am lucky if I get some cheap chocolates and flowers from the East Village Key Food. It is a holiday of disappointment, even if I know in the back of my head that my expectations are unrealistic. [Read More…]
Question: At 42 and still childless, is it time to have a baby with a sperm donor – instead of my long-term boyfriend?
I was a month shy of my 38th birthday when I filed for divorce. I knew my biological clock was fast ticking down, and if I wanted a child I’d need to do it soon. But I was in the throes of starting my life over. I had just moved across the country, embarked on a new career and needed to put the broken piece of my heart back together. A baby would have to wait a little longer.
When I met a guy who was so much of the guy I was looking for, I tried to ignore the fact that he was less than enthusiastic about adding more kids to his family (he already had three boys ages 5, 7 and 11). At 39, I convinced myself I could wait another year and see how our relationship unfolded. Maybe he would come around. [Read More…]
Busted!: I hear this worry from more prospective recipients of donor gametes (and donor embryo) than just about any other concern. I first address this matter in a legal context and discuss with clients that any donor (sperm, egg, embryo) should be expected to relinquish all rights to the gametes (or the embryos) as well as explicitly relinquish parental rights to children resulting from the donation. With sperm donation, this relinquishment is typically done through consents at the cryobank. With egg and embryo donation, it is recommended that relinquishment of donor rights be memorialized in a direct contract between the donor and the recipient.
Of equal concern, though, is whether or not the parent who lacks in a shared genetic connection with the child will feel a parental connection, while this should be explored with a mental health professional experienced in collaborative reproduction …the best response I have to offer is the following quote from a parent of a donor conceived child: “The child who came into my life is the most beautiful, spirited child…he is the child I was meant to have and he fills me with love every minute of the day.” [Read More…]
Myth: Infertility is a women’s problem.
Fact: This is untrue. It surprises most people to learn that infertility is a female problem in 35% of the cases, a male problem in 35% of the cases, a combined problem of the couple in 20% of cases, and unexplained in 10% of cases. It is essential that both the man and the woman be evaluated during an infertility work-up.
Myth: Everyone seems to get pregnant at the drop of a hat.
Fact: More than five million people of childbearing age in the United States experience infertility. When you seek support, you will find that you are not alone. Join RESOLVE, a support group, or talk with others who are struggling to build a family, so that you won’t feel isolated. [Read More…]
I believe that caring for children is spiritual practice. Many people think that prayer and meditation constitute spirituality, but when you have a baby, your practice must shift; everything you do with and for your child can be spiritual practice. [Read More…]
The solemnity with which the two medical assistants entered the room, carrying the strange long floppy syringe as if it was the Holy Grail was almost laughable … apart from the fact that for me it was the Holy Grail. The embryo about to be transferred from the depths of the syringe into my waiting and perfectly prepared womb was the most precious most longed for mass of cells in the entire universe. [Read More…]
Dear Reader: Please meet our newest regular contributor, Jenilyn Gilbert – a fertility coach, certified yoga instructor, and adoption counselor.
As a fertility coach and someone personally trying to conceive in her 40’s, I have found that keeping an open mind and open heart around how your child comes to you can be quite the challenge when there are so many different ways to become a mother. Perhaps you’ve been trying naturally to conceive and you’re researching fertility doctors now, or you’ve done many IVF’s and the doctor is suggesting third party reproduction, or you’ve exhausted your biological efforts and are moving on to adoption. [Read More…]
Dear Reader: This is a reprint of Cindy’s original blog post for us. A followup will be posted later this month. Cindy is truly a pioneer and dedicated to providing information for those trying to conceive, at any age.
Diet makes a difference in your fertility! I know from experience. At 40, after trying to conceive for over a year, I visited a popular reproductive endocrinologist who said I had a 2% chance of conceiving on my own. Devastated, I decided to do what I could to be in that 2%. I would not give up! [Read More…]
My Mother’s Day this year was a wonderful one. I had a dinner party playdate – three of my Single Mothers by Choice friends and their three children joined my girls and I for dinner and play, under the blue skies and leafy green canopy of my back deck. There is nothing like spending this particular day among women who almost didn’t get to be mothers to make it all the more special. [Read More…]
Seldom does a month go by that I don’t talk to a woman who hasn’t tormented herself for not being able to get pregnant over 35 or 40. The reasons vary, but the popular ones are not marrying the right man, marrying too late, not paying attention to her biological clock and paying too much attention to her career-oriented. [Read More…]