As I navigate this crazy journey of being an adoptive mother, I have found that books have been one of my most valuable resources. For me — books are what give me guidance, sanity and a little bit of solidarity. For my kids — books help them feel empowered as they grasp unique situations and concepts.
I’d like to share with you some of my favorite books that focus on building a connection with your child as you celebrate their stories and uniqueness:
1. The Connected Child by Karyn Purvis: Since I can’t have the Wise and All-Knowing Dr. Karyn Purvis following me around my house and helping me deal with every situation, this book is the next best thing. If you read no other book about adoption, READ THIS ONE. It will help you build compassion and connection (hence the title) with your child.
2. Attaching in Adoption by Deborah Gray: This book has lots of information, but presents it in a simple way so that readers don’t feel overwhelmed. I love the many practical strategies and ideas.
3. Twenty Things Adopted Kids Wish Their Adoptive Parents Knew by Sherrie Eldridge: I’ll recommend this book with a word of caution: It definitely dwells on the negative feelings adoptees may have. That said, I do think it’s an important read for adoptive mamas. Maybe your child won’t struggle with every single one of the thoughts and questions that this book discusses, but this book will help equip you to initiate conversations and answer questions.
And here are some books for your littles:
4. We Belong Together by Todd Parr: I’ve long been a fan of Todd Parr books for my kids. Since my oldest was not-quite-two, we’ve been reading these books for their simple, colorful and fun illustrations. This book beautifully explores the many ways families can be built through adoption, using language that kids can understand.
5. Motherbridge of Love by Xinran and Josee Masse: I adore this book because it celebrates both birth mom and adoptive mom, and the child that connects them. It is my hope that this book will help encourage dialogue with my son about his birth family, and realize that it is not a topic he needs to be afraid to discuss openly with me.
6. A Mother for Choco by Keiko Kasza: We found this children’s book to be an important one for our birth daughter after a family reunion, in which there was a heavy emphasis placed on “who looks like whom.” Broken-hearted for her baby brother, who looks so different from anyone in our family, this book helped our then four-year-old girl to understand that families don’t need to “match” to be a family.
7. Let’s Talk About Adoption by Fred Rogers: Don’t hate me, but I kind of didn’t love Mr. Rogers when I was a kid. Now that I’ve become a cheesy adult who cries during diaper commercials, I have a deeper appreciation for this man, and love the gentle, matter-of-fact approach to adoption of his book. The text is reassuring to adopted kids, reiterating their value and worth, and is an especially good one for the younger set.
Carly Seifert is a writer and blogger at http://www.africatoamerica.org A mother of two — a 5-year-old daughter by birth and a 1-year-old son by adoption, she is passionate about the arts, adoption and multiculturalism. She has a degree in drama from the University of California Irvine and teaches piano.