Excerpts from Ch. 6 of the Book, The Wilderness of Motherhood

by Lora Freeman Williams

The Wilderness of Motherhood book coverDear Reader: We are so pleased to present an excerpt from MotheringintheMiddle.com contributor Lora Freeman Williams’ newly published book:

When Isaac is five weeks old, my mother dies. She has just turned 65.

My home phone rings while I’m taking a nap with the baby. It awakens me, and I decide to let it ring. When my cell begins to ring next, I realize that it is the hospital trying my second number. The nurse tells me Mom’s oxygen levels are dropping, the end near.

I cry hard for a few minutes. I’m thinking I can’t do this alone. I need help. So I call a friend, and Karen picks us up a short time later.

When we arrive, I see my mother is gasping for breath, and I feel like the little girl I once was, in big trouble. It’s like times she wanted me to fix things that were far beyond my ability to fix. The nurse tells this is what the body does as “part of the process.” She also tells me that Mom can still hear.

I go into her room, holding Isaac. […]

The Wilderness of Motherhood

by Lora Freeman Williams

wildernessA pregnancy test is like a Rorscach: one’s inner world gets tossed back at her in sharp relief. I stared at mine and felt the weight of my childhood and the hope of a different future in a dizzying twist of emotions.

My own mother had become pregnant with me in 1968, when she was single and an as yet undiagnosed schizophrenic. Exhibiting a striking combination of paranoia and common sense, she moved herself and me a few hundred miles away from her dysfunctional relations and embarked on the next 13 years of our life together. […]

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