The Last Conversation with Dad

by Lydia Chiappetti

Lydia Chiappetti's dadWhen my dad died last year, the head of his senior living facility asked, “What was it like to grow up with your father?” She had experienced firsthand his take-no- prisoner’s style. Dad was a tough man, endearing only to his children and grandchildren. My mother, who had waited on him hand and foot for 60 years, would never have called him endearing.

With my mother’s passing, I became his gal Friday: cook, cleaner, driver, financial planner and gardener. Oh yes, almost forgot, companion as well. The only problem was that I lived ninety minutes away. I still jump when the phone rings, wondering if it’s Dad with his usual inquiry. “Where are you?” A gravelly voice on the other end demands, “I need you now!”

After hanging up, I would rush down the interstate to clean up the flooded basement or to fill out financial forms.  When my duties were fulfilled, his voice would soften and say, “Thank you, Sweetheart.”  I don’t seem to recall him ever thanking my mother for all she had done. Somehow, he had found a bit of tenderness in his late eighties. […]

Spreading Mom’s Ashes

by Lydia Chiappetti

Part I

Lydia_cemetery“Go eat dinner while it’s hot.” These were Mom’s last words thirty minutes before she died. Ever a mother until the end, she never wanted or intended to be a burden. Nor did Mom want us missing a meal, even if I was the one now preparing breakfast, lunch and dinner.

My father, sister and I ate at the dining room table, not far from their first floor bedroom. I had set the table with the silver and china, just the way she had done for the past 60 years of their marriage. Gracious dining was the highest art form for my mother. There was no take-out in her world.

She must have known that death was imminent, but she kept it at a safe distance by refusing to go to the hospital and maintaining normalcy. Ironically, this took more effort for us, her two daughters. […]

Parents As Positive Role Models

by Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D., and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D

Photo courtesy of beingnewton.com Photo courtesy of beingnewton.com

Your children – whatever their ages – may or may not do as you say, but chances are they’ll do as you do. There’s no getting around it. You serve as a role model through your attitudes and behavior inside and outside the family. Just remember, someone impressionable is watching, listening and learning from your example.

Should you be flawless? Of course not. But show them your best self. You can use these practical tips as you teach your kids how to:

Solve problems. Children need to know how and why you make the choices that you do. They learn what you value every time you make the extra effort. Your decisions don’t only impact you, so talk to them when you consider your parents’ needs before your own, put money in their college fund, help out in the homeless shelter. […]

Needing Our Mothers At Mid-Life

by Susan Paget

i love momFor those of you who are midlife moms to little kids, you might want to skip this blog because I’ve got another dose of reality to toss your way and I know you’ve already got enough on your plate.

If you’re still here, brace yourself.

There’s no expiration date to this “mom” thing.    […]

The Caregiver’s Club

by Jane Samuel

Recently I read Michael Wolff’s New York article “Mother I Love You” (May 2012) and found myself nodding to every other experience he had penned about his involvement with an aging and terminally ill parent. Two years ago I would have read that article and been an outsider looking in, now I have pulled up a chair at the same table. […]

How to Nourish the Sandwich That is You

by Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D., and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D

The “Sandwich Generation” is a term that has now made it into the dictionary. It fits an increasing number of Boomer women whose reality includes being squeezed between the demands of growing children and the needs of aging parents. […]

How to Lay Low as Helicopter Parents

By Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D. and Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D.

By now your college student has settled into the dorm and adjusted to campus life.  Despite the relief you feel, are you surprised to discover that letting go is more difficult than you imagined?  Even with the time constraints and daily pressures that you experience as a member of the Sandwich Generation, are you ambivalent about cutting the apron strings? […]

The Sandwich Generation and Their Parents’ Tarnished Golden Years

By Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D

Parents of Baby Boomers look toward their sixties, seventies and eighties as golden years, with the chance to enjoy the fruits of their labors.  But what happens when those days become tarnished gold?  What if nothing you or your parents do can restore the shine you all were expecting?  This is what faces the Sandwich Generation each year when their parents are diagnosed with Alzheimer’s, senile dementia or stroke.  […]

6 Tips for Sandwiched Boomers Planning Summer Staycations

By Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph.D.

With the high price of gasoline, are you thinking of canceling your vacation trip? This summer more and more Sandwiched Boomers are reducing their carbon footprint by taking “staycations” with their families. Why drive to a resort when there are community swimming pools around the corner? Why plan a remote getaway when you can relax in the beauty and serenity near you? You don’t need to travel to the city for excitement when you can create your own at home. […]

How the Sandwich Generation Can Help Their Parents Create a Legacy of Meaning

By Rosemary Lichtman, Ph.D. and Phyllis Goldberg, Ph. D.

With the high price of gasoline, are you thinking of canceling your vacation trip? This summer more and more Sandwiched Boomers are reducing their carbon footprint by taking “staycations” with their families. Why drive to a resort when there are community swimming pools around the corner? Why plan a remote getaway when you can relax in the beauty and serenity near you? You don’t need to travel to the city for excitement when you can create your own at home. […]

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