Mothering in the Middle

Q: Mothering is a complex topic fraught with so many aspects and adjuncts. What was the impetus for writing this type of book?

A: Obsession is the impetus for most books, and this was no exception. The last gift my mother gave me was a beautiful black wool scarf with pastel embroidery – quite striking and gorgeous – that she’d bought from a holiday vendor at the assisted living place where she lived at the end of her life. I wore it for many years over the neck of my winter coat, and got compliments on it all the time, and was always asked where I got it. It was always hard to answer, both because I couldn’t direct anyone to a store, and because it came from my mother, with whom I’d had distant and fraught relationship.

After she died, I became silently obsessed with the scarf, and went into a panic when I thought I’d lost it. For years, I thought about what the scarf meant to me – that it kept me warm, that it stood for my mother, that we’d had this distant relationship.  After a lifetime of not feeling close to her, I felt an intense attachment to the scarf. I eventually wondered if other women had such a gift from their mothers, a gift that opened the door to the whole relationship. I started asking writers, and the result has just been published. Continue reading →