Lately, I’ve found myself internally struggling with the same two questions: “Is motherhood all that I dreamed it would be?” Yes, and then some! “Did I ever imagine, in a million years, I would feel as blessed and as challenged as I do now?”– No, never!
This year, I have experienced more challenges as a mother than I ever have in the past. For example, in the past three days I’ve gone from the exhilaratingly proud moments where my son sings out his praise to God unabashed and passionately on the school’s stage to frustration and defeat when he is in the throes of a temper tantrum of epic proportions.
In my head, I know these are the moments I should forget and that I should focus solely on the good. Shouldn’t I? These are the moments parents choose not to share with each other for fear of judgment or shame. Yet, lately, I’ve been more and more compelled to share these moments with fellow parents. Not for the simple fact that misery loves company, or for a sympathy vote. I think it runs deeper than that. All this has compelled me to find some “truths” about motherhood, which, at its core, encompasses a love of you at your best, but at your absolute worst, as well.
When you are feeling ugly, frustrated, inadequate, or not fit for public consumption, your mother still loves you! You are still a blessing to her – however you came to her. My son lights up my world with his passion and determination. I believe God chose me to be his mother – to love him as no other person could. To give him grace and forgiveness when he is frustrating; to give him room to grow and explore his personality; to guide him to be compassionate, loving, and responsible; and help him find his way when he is lost.
The next time you see a mother struggling with her child, give her the same grace you would give to your own children. The reality may be that she struggles with the same balancing act that most of us do.
The elusive formula we all seek is to give us children who are obedient, but independent, persistent yet respectful, compassionate but not meek. Our hearts will always hold on to those good moments; they will forever be seared into our souls like an artist with his first masterpiece.
But the bad and ugly moments – the ones we attempt to forget…those moments have power, too. They have the power to help us recognize and respect the good moments. They enable us to become stronger than we expect we could be. We become more resilient than we would claim to be; and more forgiving than we ever thought imaginable. They mold us as parents, as we mold our children, to be all that we need to be for them, and for ourselves.
As you walk down your own path of motherhood how do you choose to see the ugly moments laid out before you? Are they trials you are surviving or lessons in disguise?
For me, I try to see each trial as a lesson. Even though the ‘surviving victim’ role sometimes seems easier and tempting, I try to take a step back and look at the bigger picture I’m trying to create for my children. My hope is for them to see themselves as a one-of-a-kind masterpiece we created together, not just a paint-by-number.
Heather Griffiths, 38, is an Automation Biologist for Dow AgroSciences in Indianapolis, IN, where she lives with her husband and two beautiful children, Walter, 8, and Audrey Scout, 6. In addition to being a Mom, she is often described as a liberal, outspoken, and stubborn woman who loves yoga, painting, curling up with a good book, and would rather give up food than coffee.